I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? No it is not relevant at all.

b) Is it useful in this moment? Not useful but surely seems like it would be!

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? No.

d) Am I out of it? I am definitely not.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I do not like that my daughter doesn’t sleep throughout the night…STILL

I would like if my baby slept so I can get better sleep

b) What are the consequential feelings?

Tired, annoyed, sleep-deprived

c) Do I want to be peaceful? I absolutely do.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No, but I feel like I am losing my mind when I try to function off of only a few hours of rest!

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + My baby sleeping through the night = C

I + More Sleep = C

I – My baby crying at night = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? No. I would just have better rest.

b) What is my own history? I feel like a monster when I don’t get rest. I get very irritable. It has been really hard for me to deal with. I do respect my baby and her needs as a baby though…but oh my, the days like today, I am a irritable, emotional zombie.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No, she will let me rest one day! (hopefully sooner than later!)

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? No, it is impossible.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

Babies should sleep through the night

Babies should not need anything 2-5 times a night

Babies should let their mommies rest!

a) Is it reality? No, it isn’t at all.

b) What is the reality? All babies are different. Mine in particular needs a snack and love in the middle of the night…a lot!

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion? Irritable and unhappy.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion? I smile.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? Me.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? Yes, I am…It does get so hard not to get lost in this thought being sleep deprived but I know I can always come back to this Inquiry, read and come out of it!

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should maintain peace although I am tired. I should be patient with myself and accept that I am tired and not try to be so irritable toward anyone else in my house.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business? I should never give up my real business EVER.

VII

Disturbing thought during meditation: I am a terrible Mother, I do not like myself in the way I am a Mother!!!

I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? Oh my! No it is not!

b) Is it useful in this moment? Absolutely not.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? No it isn’t at all.

d) Am I out of it? I wish I didn’t even think this way…

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I do not like that I am irritable with my son

I do not like that I yell

I do not like that I feel like a mean person

I do not like how I react to Cannon sometimes

I do not like telling him to “get out of my bubble” when all he probably needed was a hug.

I do not like feeling guilty about being this way

I do not like my character

b) What are the consequential feelings?

I am irritable. I feel irritable all the time. Anxious.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes of course I do.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + being a better mother = C

I + not being irritable = C

I – how I react to Cannon = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? I feel like, in a way, yes…because I would be doing it with love rather than whatever I am doing now.

b) What is my own history? I have had this weird relationship with my son. We are a lot alike in a lot of ways. Stubborn, short-tempered. Lately, I have been pushing him away and i don’t know why. I don’t know if I am just worn out by being with the baby all day or annoyed with him that I can’t fully “deal” with him in the moment. I feel like our relationship is rocky and the postpartum depression keeps sneaking up on me and I take it out on him. I end up feeling like I am a terrible mother and that he would be better without me.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? No.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

Mothers should always show their love

Mothers should always be there for their children

Mothers should never raise their voice

Mothers should never get irritated at their kids

Mothers should always give hugs

a) Is it reality? No.

b) What is the reality? We make mistakes.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion? I cry.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion? Acceptance

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? Me.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? Yes, I am.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should always show my love

I should always be there for my SELF

I should never raise my voice, I should respond and not react!

I should give as much a hugs to my children because that is what fills my heart.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business? There is no reason to give up my real business…ever.

VIII

Disturbing thought during meditation: I should just stop meditating and go get Atlas from Chase!!

I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? NO

b) Is it useful in this moment? NO

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? Nope!

d) Am I out of it? Unfortunately I am not. I feel like I need to be in there consoling her.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I don’t like when my baby cries

I don’t like that Chase has a hard time consoling her when I am away

I don’t like that I am not with her right now

I don’t like that I cannot meditate at the moment

I don’t like that I can’t zone out her cries

b) What are the consequential feelings? Restless, helpless

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes!!!!!!

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No, I can’t.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + consoling Atlas = C

I – my baby’s crying = C

I – noise = C

I + helping Chase with Atlas = C

I + better meditation = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? NO.

b) What is my own history? I try to do everything for everyone here. I feel so responsible for my children and their needs that I cover up my own needs. I feel like Chase needs help because he isn’t here as much as I am and doesn’t know all the little things to do to calm her down. I don’t give him enough trust that he can do it and everything is OK!

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No, it’s very very momentary!

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? No, it is impossible!

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

One should know how to console a baby and know their needs

Mothers should always be there for their babies

Mothers should always concentrate during meditation

One should be able to zone out noise during meditation

a) Is it reality? No it is not

b) What is the reality? The reality is, I forgot to make it all my meditation. The noise, the cries, what I am supposed to hear in awareness and love. I have all these thoughts racing thru my head about “being in there” that I wasn’t HERE and present…listening. I need to be still and accept and embrace.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion? My mind is racing like a hamster in it’s wheel

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion? I meditate. I am peaceful.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? Myself.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? Yes, I would be stepping out if I leave my meditation. Chase is fine and so is my baby girl!

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should always be there for Self

I should console me and my needs

I should always concentrate on what is happening around me equanimously.

I should embrace the “noise” always

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business? Never need to.

IX

Disturbing thought during meditation: I don’t like that our old home isn’t selling. It needs to sell!

I. Is it a dream or reality? It is a dream

a) Is it relevant in this moment? No

b) Is it useful in this moment? Its not at all.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? Not at all.

d) Am I out of it? No.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I like that the house would sell and we can cut the ties

I don’t like that it hasn’t sold.

I don’t like that I let my in-laws renovate it to the way it looks now, I think that is why it isn’t selling.

I don’t like the renovation and wished things were different.

I don’t like that I wasn’t assertive about how I felt about the renovations.

I like that I could pay off bills with the money.

b) What are the consequential feelings? Worried.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No. It isn’t possible.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + the house being sold = C

I + the home renovations the way I saw it being done = C

I + being more assertive about the renovation = C

I + paying off our bills with the money = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? No.

b) What is my own history? My in-laws do too much I feel like, very in our business which frustrates me although I know they come from a good place. It’s too “over-the-top” for me. They went in the home to “help us” get it sold and I think the it made it harder to sell. They changed all of our character we added to it. We were very busy moving and with a newborn baby, I was too tired to think about it, then when all was said and done, I go look at the home and I didn’t ever recognize the place and I was disheartened. Now it isn’t selling and I can’t help but to wish that I would’ve said “Hey, this is our home and we need to have some kind of input on what goes on here” but they put their money into it, so I kept my mouth shut. We really need the money to put toward our current home and pay off some bills we have accumulated, hospital and credit debt. I get worried because of the “mess” I feel we are in and I am so ready for it to all be more simplistic.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? NO.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

People should involve others on decisions that may affect their future

People should stay out of others business

People should buy this house

The house should have sold by now

a) Is it reality? No

b) What is the reality? The reality is that it is what it is. I can’t change the past, I can’t keep living in it. I don’t have to like the renovations but I need to understand that the house will sell when the time is right.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion? very very restless and irritable with my in-laws.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion? I just accept what is and move on.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? Myself.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? Yes I have.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should focus on Self and not worry so much about further or past.

I should stay out of others business and stay in my own

I should not worry about the home selling and leave it to the Universe to decided when the right time is.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  There isn’t a good reason.

X

Disturbing thought during meditation: That overgrown puppy chews up everything, it’s pissing me off.

I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream, I guess.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? no

b) Is it useful in this moment? no

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? no

d) Am I out of it? I am definitely not out of it.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I like that my dog would stop chewing all of my nice things.

I like that I can go outside without having to pick up all the crap she chews up.

I do not like that she chewed on my meditation bench…oh my lanta!!!

I do not like the she chewed up my rug, my favorite shirt, my shoe, cannon’s shoes, the water hose, the benches, the pillows, the wall, the concrete foundation and rebar to our foundation, the fence, the soccer goal net, my statue….and the list goes on and on and on and on…she doesn’t stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

b) What are the consequential feelings? Pissed off and extremely annoyed.  It’s the last thing i want to deal with right now.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? I do, I have too much going on to be peaceful.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? Oh GOD NO!

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I – the dog chewing up EVERYTHING on god’s green earth = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? NO, she will do something else…like bark all day! ha!

b) What is my own history?  Puppies annoy me, always have.  I am always the one taking care of the little rug rats too.  I am always getting onto her and I hate it.  I feel like a complete jerk but it wears on me.  We don’t have all the money in the world to replace everything.  She tears up everything.  I am over it!

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent?  no.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? no

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

Puppies should chew up things that belong to them ONLY!

a) Is it reality? I wish!

b) What is the reality? I need to accept that I have a puppy.  Not only a baby, but a really big baby that is teething.  I need to find the patience with that.  It’s so difficult for me.  I need to know that this stuff is external things and every time I get onto her harshly, I tear apart my peace and hers as well.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion?  Upset.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion?  I feel bad that I am so mean to her.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story?  I am.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering?  I am.

b) What is my real business in this moment?  I need to work on realizing that she is a baby and I need to give her more things to chew on so I can distract her from our things.  I need to forgive her so I can actually enjoy the loving animal she is.  I need to realize that material things are just material things and my peacefulness is the most important thing.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  I don’t need to ever.

XI

Disturbing thought during meditation: Why does Chase (her husband) make fun of me when my brain doesn’t fire right?  I am having trouble getting out what i want to say, it’s hard enough and then I get made fun of.  Hurts my feelings.  I feel stupid like i used to feel when I was young.

I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? No

b) Is it useful in this moment? No

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? How could it be?

d) Am I out of it? No, my feelings are hurt.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I don’t like getting made fun of

I don’t like that I am having trouble speaking and thinking

I don’t like feeling inadequate and dumb

b) What are the consequential feelings? hurt.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes, I do.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No it is not possible.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + speaking what I want to say without the long “thinking pause” = C

I + Chase not making fun of me for it = C

I – feeling like a dummie = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? NO.

b) What is my own history? Ever since I was a little girl I had problems with executing my thoughts.  After having Cannon, I had “baby brain” badly and now again with Atlas.  I have had learning disability when I was young and my “friends” made fun of me a lot.  I always felt dumb.  I honestly don’t think my family believed in me much either.  So when Chase does this, it takes me back to terrible feelings such as these.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent?  No. not at all.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? Not at all.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

People should not make fun of others

Husbands should not make fun of their wives in that way

People should always be able to think clearly

People should never worry about what others think

People should always give others the benefit of the doubt, they may surprise you!

a) Is it reality? No. it isn’t.

b) What is the reality? People are compulsive, they don’t think about how other feel or if they hurt others feelings.  And as for my early years “friends”, they knew it hurt my feelings and didn’t care much about that.  Again very compulsive.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion? Upset.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion? I know that I am a smart wonderful person…I feel OK with whatever is happening in the moment and forgive.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? I am.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? Yes, I am.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should not make fun of others.

I should always think clearly about other’s compulsive thinking and not take it so darn personal!

I should never worry about what other’s think, I know what I am capable of! All that matters.

I should always give others the benefit of the doubt, there is something special in everyone.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  It should never happen!

XII

Disturbing thought during meditation: Why do I let it get to me so much when other kids say mean things to Cannon (her son) at his school?  He is just so sweet,  it hurts my heart for him!

I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? No but I just want to tell those kids something so badly!

b) Is it useful in this moment? No.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? Not at all!

d) Am I out of it? Nope.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I like that my son is honest with me about what goes on at school

I don’t like that kids are mean to him…ever

I dislike that they give him a hard time for being different.

I dislike that his “best” friend is the one that gives him the hardest time

I dislike the little girl that hurt his feelings about his schoolwork

I dislike that they always say something about his lunch

b) What are the consequential feelings? Annoyed.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes, I do.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No but it’s so hard to separate these feelings when it comes to your children’s hurts.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + Cannon having better friends = C

I + telling these kids to go “fly a kite” = C

I + wanting to go teach a course over what kids really need to be eating at school and not making fun of my son for his lunches = C!

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? No, something else would just arise I’m sure.

b) What is my own history?  I know how it feels.  I am not trying to “play the victim” but kids are cruel and kids, when feeling either jealous or when they don’t understand things, they are rude.  I also just want people to be as nice and understanding as my son.  He judges people by their actions, I feel I have taught him this and he gets his feelings hurt when they are rude.  He is not a rude kid and all he wants is a lot of friends to play with.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent?  No, I move on from it, as does he.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? No, it cannot happen.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

Parents should teach their kids to be respectful of others

Kids should not be so rude

Parents should not have to worry about their kids at school

Kids should have good friends and be comfortable with who they are, always!

a) Is it reality? No.

b) What is the reality?  The reality is, kids will be kids.  I will just keep up my ability as a parent to teach Cannon to not behave that way and forgive.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion?  Anxious.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion?  I am ok with What IS.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? Me. Of course. haha

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? Yes.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should not be rude

I should teach my child to not be rude or judgmental

I should teach my child that he is always welcome here at home with no judgement of who he is and that he can be comfortable with that always!

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  Never needs to happen EVER! and when it does…I do this work!

XIII

Disturbing thought during meditation: What is wrong with my stupid wrist, it is so hindersome to my yoga practice!

I. Is it a dream or reality?  annoying dream that really feels like reality!

a) Is it relevant in this moment? Gosh no.

b) Is it useful in this moment? not at all.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? no it isn’t.

d) Am I out of it? I am not at all!

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I like that I can do yoga without pain

I dislike the pain I am experiencing

I dislike that I can’t do much today in my practice

b) What are the consequential feelings? very annoyed

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes, of course I do!

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I – my wrist pain = C

I + being able to do what I would like to do in my practice = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? No.

b) What is my own history?  I get discouraged when my wrist starts to hurt because I know I cannot do anything on my hands and I cannot work toward any arm balances whatsoever.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? No it cannot.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

People should not have to experience any body aches or pains EVER.

a) Is it reality?  No

b) What is the reality?  The reality is I am forgetting what the true meaning of yoga is and I am not breathing the light and healing of yoga into my pains but rather resisting it and getting frustrated.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion? Well, I get so frustrated and I cry.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion?  I accept my pain and work with my pain.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? Me!

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering?  Oh yes, very much so.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should not resist to any pains or aches in my body throughout my yoga practice but rather breathe into it and give it time to improve.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  Why do I ever do this?  I have no idea!

XIV

Disturbing thought during meditation: Why is my brother’s ex-wife allowing my sweet little niece to take prozac of all things???? I mean really!!!!! How stupid.

I. Is it a dream or reality?  It is a dream, a very strong one.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? no

b) Is it useful in this moment? no

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? no, I want to slap this woman right now.

d) Am I out of it? no.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I dislike my brother’s ex-wife and her stupid choices for her daughter.

I dislike that it is not my business and I cannot speak up

b) What are the consequential feelings? angry

c) Do I want to be peaceful? I do, but it is very hard to think of anything else right now.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? no, I am not peaceful at all right now.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + being able to help my niece = C

I + my nieces well-being = C

I – being able to help her = IC

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? No.

b) What is my own history?  I do not like this woman, she is selfish and does many things for attention even if it through the kids.  I do not agree with putting children on medication when they have even accessed a better diet plan first.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? No.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

Mothers should put their children on better eating habits not awful pharmaceutical drugs!

Mothers should make better choices for their children

Doctors should take training in nutrition not prescribing drugs, especially for our youth!

a) Is it reality? It isn’t at all.

b) What is the reality?  The reality is, I won’t ever agree with this.  The reality is, I need to accept what is and pray for my niece’s well-being and that something better will happen soon or my brother will try really hard do something about it.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion?  very upset and angry

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion? I am trying to accept what is.  I am really am.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story?  I am.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? I am.  It is very hard for me. this one.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should feed my children and myself a good proper diet and never nasty pharmaceutical drugs.

I should always try to make the best choices for my kids.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  I am trying not too.

XV

Disturbing thought during meditation: I feel guilty for not working out on a regular basis…I am not consistent and I feel like I am teaching my son to do the same!

I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? No

b) Is it useful in this moment? No

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? No

d) Am I out of it? I am not.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I dislike that I am not consistent when it comes to exercise

I dislike that I feel I am teaching my kid to not finish things

I dislike that I am not teaching myself or my son that working out is important to our health!

b) What are the consequential feelings? I am super discouraged.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + better work ethic with exercise = C

I + teaching my son of it’s importance = C

I + working out everyday = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? No, but I do feel it would help if I could get out of this funk!

b) What is my own history?  I am very wishy-washy with commitment to this sort of thing.  I have never been an avid exerciser and I d wish I was!  I’ll get there one day I guess.  This is something I go over and over in my head…a lot!

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom?  No, it is not possible.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

People should work out to improve health

People should always exercise

Parents should teach their children be leading by example.

a) Is it reality? No.

b) What is the reality?  It happens.  All we can do is keep trying.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion? Discouraged and questioning myself.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion?  I am hopeful that it isn’t too late to start again.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? Myself

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? I am, as usual. huh

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should work out to improve my health and wellbeing

I should set an intention everyday to do some kind of activity and forgive myself if I don’t honor it

I should always give valid effort for this goal, after all it is a goal I must work toward…always

I should lead by example for my children to see that even if they fall of track, you can get back on at any time!

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  I should not give this up, not ever if I want to remain peaceful.

XVI

Disturbing thought during meditation: Why did Cannon ask me if we would “get more rich”?  It bothers me that this is important to him…I mean, what do YOU really need to buy dude?

I. Is it a dream or reality?  Dream within a Dream! hahaha

a) Is it relevant in this moment? no but dang, come on buddy!

b) Is it useful in this moment? no it isn’t.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? no

d) Am I out of it? I am not.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I dislike that my son is attaching himself to something so dull

I dislike that I have played a hand in this way of thinking

I dislike that he thinks it would be greater to be “rich” instead of how we are now.

b) What are the consequential feelings?  I feel like I’ve failed as a parent in a way.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace?  No I cannot.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + my son’s understanding that money is not  all that “wonderful” = C

I + feeling like a parental failure = IC

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? NO.

b) What is my own history?  I was the same when I was young.  I used to think about my “rich” friends and what they had and what they got to do with their money.  But looking back, I see now that my “best friend” was sort of a brat and a jerk to her friends.  I want my kids to wake up every morning and know they just woke up with everything the need…all the rest is just a bonus!

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? Very impermanent.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom?  Not possible.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

Parents should teach their kids early that money isn’t everything it appears to be

Kids should know that money or being rich really isn’t that “cool”

Kids should not have to think about being rich, what do they really need anyhow?

a) Is it reality? No, haha, it isn’t reality at all.

b) What is the reality?  Everyone is different and how they perceive things.  Cannon may just be a sensual person at the moment and he will hopefully keep moving forward with good parental guidance.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion?  I was confused more than anything, felt like a failure.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion?  I am ok with it, I just need to visit with him on his thoughts of why he thinks this is important and guide him to better understanding.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story?  I am the only one in my way.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? Yes.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I always know that money and being “rich” isn’t everything it appears to be and teach my children their truest blessings in life.  All else is material.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  I don’t need to leave my peace ever.

XVII

Disturbing thought during meditation: How am I supposed to get everything I want to do done?  I can’t get it all together to save my life! (literally)

I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream.

a) Is it relevant in this moment?  I just don’t know how to do all of it!

b) Is it useful in this moment? No it’s not.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? It isn’t but I feel like it would help if I could figure it out.

d) Am I out of it? I am not.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I like that I can get everything done everyday without worry that I’ve missed something

I dislike that I am not always in control of my everyday activities

I dislike that I feel there isn’t enough time yet there is 24 whole hours in a day!

b) What are the consequential feelings? Anxious.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? Yes I do!

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I + being superhuman = C

I + doing everything that I want to do on a daily basis = C

I – getting it all done = IC

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? No.

b) What is my own history?  I want to meditate, I want to yoga, I want to exercise, I want to be a great mother: cook, clean, dishes, clean bathrooms, dust, hang clothes, take care of BABY, go to yoga class, work on my ‘goddess challenge’, take a nice soak, do my hair/makeup, get dressed, pick up cannon….and and and…  Its just so much.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom?  No, it isn’t possible.  So I keep telling myself this!

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

People should be superhuman and get everything done in a 24 hour period!

Mothers should always look presentable and feel great about themselves

Mothers should always make time for themselves and get all daily chores done

a) Is it reality? Gosh I am sitting here wishing it were but it is just not…at all.

b) What is the reality?  The reality is, I need to pace myself.  Make time to notice the importance of the day and get done what I can.  I always need to keep in mind that I do try my best every day of my life and that I am enough…always!

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion?  I am very disgruntled

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion? I am lighter and more forgiving of myself!

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story? Me, as usual.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? Yes.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should slow down and realize I am not superhuman

I should always know that even if I don’t look quite “presentable” that day, I am perfectly imperfect.

I should always make time for myself to realize my Truth, it is all that matters but I should forgive myself if I forget this importance and detach later.. (with Ajay!)

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  It is so important that I should always try to never give it up.

XVIII

Disturbing thought during meditation: I don’t know if I need to teacher training now…the money could go toward bills and recouping our savings account.  I hate money.

I. Is it a dream or reality? Dream.

a) Is it relevant in this moment? No.

b) Is it useful in this moment? No.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment? It isn’t.

d) Am I out of it? I am not at all out of it.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings?

I like that I can do teacher training without guilt

I dislike that we are barely paying our bills and can’t put back into savings what we pulled out

I dislike that I may need to hold off on teacher training.

I dislike that I am always putting my life on hold for “our mistakes”

b) What are the consequential feelings? I am super stressed feeling, very upset.

c) Do I want to be peaceful? I do and I was up until 15 minutes ago!

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace? No.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream?

I  – guilt of using money for teacher training vs putting back for bills = C

I + teacher training = C

I + efficient amount of money without worry = C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace? No.

b) What is my own history?  I usually do this.  I back out of things.  I do it with the intention that I am going to help our situation.  I always put money issues before my own personal desires.  I don’t like to feel guilty or have it on my shoulders that if “we spent the money on training, we would’ve been able to put back into savings or paid bills with it”

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent? No.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom? No.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

One should know what one wants and not give up on one’s dream to do so

People should always have efficient amount of money to do what they would like to do

People should not have to worry about money or bills all the time

a) Is it reality? No.

b) What is the reality?  The reality is, my fate is on the other side of my fear.  The reality is “What IF” is my worst enemy right now.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion? I am so stressed out feeling.

d) How do I feel if I am detached from the wrong notion?  I need to let things play out as they are supposed to.

e) What is preventing me from give up a painful story?  me.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my business and interfering? yes. i am very much so.

b) What is my real business in this moment?

I should always have efficient amount of love for my choices to Self.

I should do my best and pay my bills with what I have right now.

I should not worry about my bills all the time or my savings…money comes and goes.

I should do what is right for Self.

VI. Why should I ever give up my real business?  No it should never happen.

XIX

Disturbing Thought: I should get my decree for divorce asap:

I. Is it a dream or reality?
It’s a dream as I am sat on sofa in the house and not in court.

a) Is it relevant in this moment?
It’s

not relevant in this moment as it disturbs me in my practic.

b) Is it useful in this moment?
It’s not useful in this moment because it only creates obstacles called impatience in life.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment?
This thought leads to so many other thoughts and as a result mind becomes restless. So it’s not conducive to peace in this moment.

d) Am I out of it?
I am not out of it as I keep counting the number of days left to get my decree.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?
Majorly impatience and time seems extremely long.

a) What are the causal feelings – likes and dislikes?
I like it if I get my decree fast.
I like it if My husband and my daughter were understanding.
I like if I was in a more favourable environment.
I like it if I was with similar people like me.
I like it if life is without any unfavourable circumstances.

I dislike the wait.
I dislike that I have to listen to My husband and bear his control.
I dislike to bear My daughters tantrums and moods.
I dislike the uncertainties in store.
I dislike my husbands behaviour, My daughters behaviour.
I dislike staying in Chennai.

b) What are the consequential feelings – the maze of other feelings?
Impatience and time seems very long.
Irritability with uncertainty in store.
Fed up moving rocks of difficulties.

c) Do I want to be peaceful?
Only thing I have been wanting since decades.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace?
Keeping the above feelings alive I can only become more impatient and 3 months can become three decades or even more longer. I cannot attain peace instead whatever strength and positivity I have will also go away.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream? (I+X=C)

I+decree in this moment =C
I+favourable people, place and situation around me =C
I+all problems solving right now =C
I+my husband doing everything peacefully =C
I+peace =C
I – my husband =C
I – delay =C
I – problems =C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace?
With fulfillment of one desire, i wish fot an another. This has been repeating. If these desires got fulfilled i should have got lasting peace, but instead I wishes for one more desire to be fulfilled. Hence desires are insatiable and can never be fulfilled. Lasting peace is only with the self, that is peace is internal never external.

b) What is my own history?
I thought staying away from my husband will give me lasting peace. But no. Now it’s decree and then something else. So my own history is each time with solution of the immediate obstacle, I think I will get lasting peace, but instead I have a new desire to be fulfilled.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent?
If desires were permanent, then their fulfillment should have given permanent peace. Instead they only create new ones. So desires specially fulfilled desires are contagious as their fulfillment creates a new one.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom?
Incompleteness can only give emptiness. Can only make you feel sad. With this emptiness and sadness how can i feel complete and free.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?
1) Problems should always resolve fast (to be happy)
2) one should always be in a conducive environment to be happy.
3) People should be understanding.
4) To be happy, people should have no problem.
5) To be peaceful there should not be difficult people in life.
6) All the problems should be resolved.

State these conditionings and analyze them separately:

a) Is it reality?
It’s not reality because everything happens according to its destiny.

b) What is the reality?
Many people are happy even when the problems are not resolved, or are happy even with difficult people around. Many don’t care even when they have a problem. What they ideally do is do their best and leave the rest.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion?
I feel helpless as I cannot do what I want.
Most important I feel impatient because time passes very slowly.
I feel controlled in want of solution.
I feel dependent on many other factors for the problem to be solved.
I feel I can be happy only when I get the decree.

d) Do I have any reason that is not stressful to go on holding on to this belief?
If I go on holding to this then I am spending my time worrying, and not working towards my evolvement.

e) Do I have any reason to drop it?
Yes I have lot of reasons to drop it. Most important to progress in my journey towards purpose of life.

f) How do I feel if I drop it?
Honestly if I am able to drop it then it’s pure joy is total acceptance. I feel my surrender is complete. I am peaceful as thy will runs my life.

g) What is preventing me from giving up this painful story?
My own desire of either solving or getting solved, all the problem of life and that also fast.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my own business and interfering?
My business is my goal to be achieved. My goal is my evolution. My thoughts are only giving me struggles in my business thus either slowing my progress or stopping it.

b) What is my real business in this moment? (The Turnaround)
I should do my best to solve the problem and leave the rest.
I should be giving others condusive environment and as much as possible try to make the environment condusive for my evolution.
I should be understanding for others and more for myself for my evolution.
I should take problems more as opportunities for growth.
I should not be a difficult person for others and also for myself with these beliefs.
I should resolve problems like problems of maths. Some we can and some we can’t. It’s ok

VI. Why should I give up my real business ever?
I have struggled a lot, gone through a lot. Now I will not give up my real business by these stupid thoughts. Will focus more on my evolution and deal these thoughts with written enquiry, mantras and prayers.

VII. My mineness equations:
My life
My problems
My loved ones giving problems
My peace
My solution
My environment
My future
My freedom
My time

When I am attached, I struggle a lot specially with regard to time. I want things to resolve faster, even after knowing that time is just a notion. This moment is the reality. I feel suffocated, I feel restless, and the waiting looks like its eternal.

When I am detached, I still want the solution, but I also have Faith, belief, surrender, prayers. I know thy will runs my life. I am happy practicing. I look at Krishna and not his pockets which has my decree. I understand it well but its difficult. Will pray and keep trying.

VIII. To whom the thought?
To me, to Me.

Who am I?
I am eternal blissful awareness. I am not this body mind complex. I have to leave my ego. It’s not happening, but I know by practice it will. When I started chanting, even to do 1000times in a day was difficult, now 10000 seems easy. But the practice has to be sincere, and continuous. Mind Will wonder, each time I have to bring it back. Practice, practice and practice. Pray, pray and pray. I will be out of My false identity and be with my SELF.

XX

Disturbing Thought : Need to prove myself to my husband.

Is it a dream or reality?
Its a dream
a) Is it relevant in this moment?
Its not relevant in this moment, he is not there at all.

b) Is it useful in this moment?
Its not useful in the moment as the thought diverts me from my purpose of life and also wastes my time.

c) Is it conducive to peace in this moment?
Its not conducive to peace as this thought makes my mind restless and confused.

d) Am I out of it?
I am not out of it as this thought comes back in different ways.

II. What are the feelings hidden in the dream?

a) What are the causal feelings – likes and dislikes?
I like it when my husband does not degrade me, criticise me, compare me with others superiority.
I like if he does not always complain about anything I do.
I like it if he does not boss over me.
I like it if he behaves human.
I dislike the way he treats me.
I dislike being always in the receiving end and being controlled by him.

b) What are the consequential feelings – the maze of other feelings?
Inferior, helpless, controlled,
nausiatic and fearful when he shouts, lack of energy, confused with different options to prove myself,

c) Do I want to be peaceful?
I want to be peaceful but the above feelings take away my peace.

d) Keeping the causal feelings alive, can I attain peace?
No, I can’t because when these likes and dislikes are alive then I predate all past (which is almost two decades) likes and dislikes. As a result I am disturbed.

III. What are the incompleteness equations hidden in the dream? (I+X=C)
I+no my husband in my life =c
I+divorce =C
I+earning lot of money=C
I+fame in business world=C
I+looking gorgeous =C
I+showing my husband I am capable =C
I-my husband =C

a) If these desires get fulfilled, will I get lasting peace?
Once all the above desires get fulfilled then will have new desires for the new life with regard to living – where, how, with whom etc.

b) What is my own history?
Desires are insatiable, can never get fulfilled cos the once a particular desire is fulfilled, a new one arises and is a circle. This is my history. Desires with regard to My husband never got fulfilled but I definitely kept changing them. The best way to be out from this is to have desires related to purpose of life which is to be free from the cycle of birth and death.

c) Am I attaching myself with something permanent?
No, anything and everything related to My husband is not permanent. Only self is permanent and all my attachment and desires should be related to it.

d) Can incompleteness ever give completeness and freedom?
Incompleteness made me My husband slave so much so that even today when I am so close to being free from him, I make myself feel incomplete with different types of thoughts with regard to teaching him a lesson.

IV. What are the general conditionings hidden in the dream?

State these conditionings and analyze them separately:

1) wives should always be loved, praised, respected by their husband.
2) one should have lot of money to be successful in life.
3) one should not have difficult and tough people in their life to be happy.
4) one should be divorced to feel free from a bad marriage.
5) one should be good looking to be loved.
6) one should be multi talented to prove themselves capable.
7) life should not have problems to be peaceful.

a) Is it reality?
No, its not reality because all the above conditionings generally never happen.

b) What is the reality?
Reality is
wives never praised or respected by husbands are also happy.
Money is never the only criteria for success.
Tough people will be there in life.
Even after divorce because of children one may not be completely free from the marriage.
True love is not based on looks. There are not so good looking people who are loved more than the good looking ones.
There are lot of multi talented people but are not very capable.
Problems, ups and downs are inevitable in life.

c) How do I feel when I am attached to this wrong notion?
I feel tied up with chains of approval and appreciation. I feel inferior, I feel like I am a big failure in life.

d) Do I have any reason that is not stressful to go on holding on to this belief?
Holding these beliefs and doing things accordingly never gave me happiness instead made my life more miserable.

e) Do I have any reason to drop it?
If I want freedom, then I have to drop all of them.

f) How do I feel if I drop it?
When I drop it, so much of unwanted stress is dropped. So many self created obstacles (because of conditionings) are dropped. With so much baggage dropped I can travel light to my destination.

g) What is preventing me from giving up this painful story?
My deep rooted conditioning of proving myself is preventing me.

V. Whose business?

a) Am I stepping out of my own business and interfering?
My business is my evolution. With the above thought I am not only stepping out but also completely changing my path.

b) What is my real business in this moment? (The Turnaround)
I should love, praise and respect myself.
I should have regular consistent perfect practice for success in terms of evolution in life.
I should neither be a difficult or tough person for others nor should I be disturbed by difficult people.
I should be detached to feel free and have unconditional love for all.
I should be kind and compassionate and love everyone. No dislikes for anyone.
I should be multi talented in practising the mantras all throughout my life and prove myself capable by establishing in them.
I should try and try to internalise to be peaceful.

VI. Why should I give up my real business ever?
My evolution is my real business and I will not give it up.

VII. Mineness Equations:
1) prove my success
2) prove my talents
3) prove my life
4) get my appreciation
5) my husband
6) my body my looks
7) my happiness
8) my freedom
9) my problems

When attached how do i feel?
I feel intolerable load of mineness on my head. Too many problems to be solved all the time.

When detached how do I feel?
I am able to detach only when I internalize. When I internalize there is no problem left. I feel free, I feel I can evolve in the evolution ladder.

VIII. To whom the thought?
To me, to Me.

Who am I?
I am eternal blissful awareness. Let me try n be I and not Me. Let me try to attach myself to my Self and detach from the body from where the identity of Me arises and then the jungle of thoughts arrive.