Brief Introduction of Desire for approval
It is a desire for hearing words of praise about oneself, about one’s work or even about those one is attached to – like one’s children, spouse etc. When one is under the influence of this desire, one tries to behave according to the expectations of others so that they can be kept happy. It is almost impossible to keep others happy all the time and it is also impossible to keep feigning all the time. Thirdly, not following what one truly wants to follow is also a kind of a burden on the head. For these three reasons, desire for approval becomes a source of agitation, fear, misery, jealousy and anger. Jealousy happens when somebody else gets approved and they don’t care about one’s feelings.
It never comes from anybody else – your wholeness, your satisfaction, your joy. You have a wrong belief and you act and react accordingly. Desire for approval makes you weak and fearful. It makes you live in a chase mode all the time. It causes distress. When the desire is not fulfilled, you are miserable. When it gets fulfilled, you are still chasing as you want it to continue all the time. You know in your heart of hearts that it is not possible, so your fears and weakness remain even when they do start approving you.
WAYS TO DEAL
Correction of the wrong understanding is the sure way of dealing with the Approval problem. You need to deeply think about your true needs – it is a state of fulfillment and not what others are thinking or saying about you. If you follow the latter, you can never have the former. If you directly follow the former, there will not remain any need of the latter.
Secondly, think about the state of the mind of people you are depending upon. Is it worth it? Thirdly, think about the cost that you are paying for not following your heart and instead following the hearts of others.
Fourthly, you are not even following the hearts of others as most of them do not have one or they are too busy following others’ hearts. Who has the time and inclination to think about you? When they appear to be doing so, it is more of gossiping and not the real care that is exhibited through their behavior.
Z MEDITATION WAY
Deep Contemplation using Deep Inquiry and Radiant Mantras has helped many students come out of their approval issues for good. You will need to be serious about it. You will need to straighten your priorities absolutely straight. This life is too short to be frittered away in worrying about what others are thinking about you. Wake up. Today is the day.