“What an eye opening experience for me to see how dependent I have become on my boyfriend’s approval and how lethargic I have become in my own insecurity and dependence….
During the retreat, the meditations went spectacularly well as I began to truly see light and understand what peace and love really mean. I feel as though the teachings were giving me real insight on how I would make progress toward climbing the ladder of evolution! I understood the mantras and was getting better with the enquiry… may be too good with the enquiry as I began to understand myself more and more. I didn’t really like what I saw!
Your warm faces and positive answers to my questions renewed my energy and made me feel as though I could go on and on. Every day, I went to bed happy… happy because I could see progress, happy because for once, I was focusing on me.
Your comments on inquiry however were extremely helpful in aiding my realizations on what I need to work on or understand in order to feel complete. I realized that I am a very insecure person (actually I have known this for a while) and that I look to others for approval on what I do, what I say and how I look and feel. I realized that being in a relationship (with Jeff or anyone else) causes me to cling and to lose my own independence. What I mean to say is that when someone offers me his love, I assume that that is enough to complete me and that I can stop worrying about loving or depending on myself… very dangerous and not at all conducive to peace. This has been like a bomb going on for me. I know meditation has cleared the way for me to rebuild….
I now thank both of you to have made me understand where my incompleteness stems from. I understand that I attempt to control the uncontrollable and that this is not conducive to peace. I understand that I look for, and believe I need, the approval of others. I now understand that the only approval I require to feel lasting peace /total completeness is from myself.”