Monika bijani

“My last fifteen days have been with myself. And I must say I like my company. Every now and then in life, I have found myself alone and really struggled to not feel depressed about it. I have always intuited that loneliness is not to be confused with being alone, and in fact, it was this idea that got me interested in a meditation retreat. I wanted to catch hold of my mind and get at least a glimpse of the truth. To tell you the truth, it did happen. I was able to find calm within myself – by myself.
So what I have learnt here is the method of separating loneliness from being solitary. And for that I am very grateful. I know now that within the folds of my consciousness is a beautiful pure joy. And I have learnt how to surface it.
I also realized the extreme happiness one can derive from basic activities like eating, walking or just being, so long as it is done mindfully. Either the food served here is amazingly delicious or meditation makes it so, but I have truly savored every bite I took in the last fifteen days. Gratitude for food has never come so effortlessly!
In fact gratitude for being, just existing in this joyful world is what I experienced a lot in this meditation course. The yoga was so invigorating. Especially in the end, when Suruchi left us in Shavaasana for 15 minutes. Magical things used to happen then, in those pure moments. I thought I saw the energy – white and silver – all around me today. Yesterday I felt I carried in me the universe. On the whole, it’s been one unforgettable wonderful stay at Z Meditation Centre.
The last 2 days I have felt so much love and joy inside me. For the co-students, I have brimmed with love. This is so strange, because I don’t even know the names of most. But to me, each one looks beautiful and special, and really if there was anything difficult about this retreat, it was to keep myself from hugging, or at least smiling at each of them. I see each one of them glowing with purity and an infectious calmness. I vainly imagined that I must be looking so shining too.
Well, I do feel sublime and new born. I am starting my life afresh. I really have shed my past. And living in the moment, I will go, trusting the fate to take care of me. With nothing to regret and nothing to fear, I live every real unit of time with sheer abandon and pure ecstasy.