Meredith

“Two weeks before I came to this meditation retreat, I was very depressed. I couldn’t find any reason really to live. I have tried everything: excelled in school, didn’t give a damn about school, boyfriends, sports, drugs, diets, holding very strictly to high morals to eventually carelessness about anything, etc, etc. Last year, I traveled to Nepal and stayed there for 3 months. In the 3rd month, I started getting depressed. I decided to try something completely new: Buddhism, religion. For the first month, it was wonderful – until the newness was washed away. I had gotten a lot of intellectual understanding, but no lasting peace. Things got really bad when my boyfriend left me. It took me months to recover and as I said, two weeks ago, I was still very down. After good advice of a friend, I just let go. If my life is shitty the way it is, I’m not going to try anymore. No more goals, nothing, forget about all the worries; count me out, I’m not doing it anymore.
And ever since then, things have improved incredibly. I can breathe again, laugh again, love again. Things just fall into place. Now that I’m not searching anymore, things come to me and present themselves. This way I can really see them as presents. Like this meditation retreat, these last fifteen days. Wonderful. My concentration and love have increased; my head is becoming more clear. And the great thing is that it’s good the way it is. Before I might have thought, I see now how I am improving. I try now to accept the moment, love the moment”.
Thank you for deepening my understanding!