“My last fifteen days? Big question. It has been a big event for me. My expectation from the course was to find a way to slow down, find the right paths for me. In the last years of my life, I have been very lost and very unhappy and confused.
The course has been more hard to me than I could have imagined – but in different sense. I thought that it would be hard not to speak – I was totally wrong. Silence has been so nice. I have realized that I speak too much; and too senseless at times. It does not lead anywhere. I am not interested in this kind of living anymore.
I also thought it would be hard not to have eye-contact with people – again, I was wrong. It has been very relaxing. It has been so good to have space.
The hardest bit for me has been myself. I have been looking for my happiness at wrong places – in people, in clothes, in movies. This realization is so amazing that my happiness does lie anywhere else. It is in my heart. Wow!
This meditation course has opened my eyes and it is so painful – and yet so wonderful. Painful because I realize that I have been searching for my completeness in wrong places. I feel sorry for myself and also for my boyfriend. We have been like dry leave in the strong wind – getting blown away wherever the wind takes us.
This wonderful meditation course has taught me that I have to put an end to all this. I am myself responsible for my own happiness – and unhappiness. Nothing outside of me can make me happy or unhappy. I refuse to be a victim – to use your term.
The yoga has been a great help in meditation. I have done a lot of yoga before, but not in this way. It was really good for my mind.
Lastly, in these last days at the meditation center, I have eaten very good food.”
Thank you for everything.