Hila

“At first, I didn’t really know what to expect. I had so much confusion; I was so restless that I could hardly keep up with myself. My thoughts were jumping aimlessly like a monkey.
Living in the present, compassion and love for all beings, detachment: all these things I already knew in my mind. But only in these last few days I understood, really understood their true meaning. I feel that my clinging is getting much weaker. I feel much more confident of myself now that I truly understand that I don’t need anyone or anything from the outside. I actually feel in my heart this love and compassion that before this week I just knew they should be there. Now I feel how my love is actually expanding my heart, making room for more love, for more compassion. My mind is so much quieter. It’s not perfectly silent yet; I still have much work to do, but when I meditate, the gaps between the thoughts are getting bigger and bigger and they go away much easier
Rocks – I can now see the difficulties as rocks. I’m not yet in a state of being thankful for these rocks, but I don’t expect them not to be there. When I think of the conditionings in my mind, some are still there and some are gone. It feels so ridiculous. How strongly I react to such untrue ideas! At least, I can see this now and this is the most important thing I gained in these last 5 days: the ability to look inside, into my mind.

There is so much work to be done. But I have started, I know how. I know, I just know, that practicing these new tools I now have will eventually get me closer to where I want to be – happy. How true and simple is the under-estimated song: don’t worry, be happy!