“My days at Z Meditation Retreat was what I wanted to do since I arrived in India three months ago. Not that I knew about the Z Meditation Retreat, but I knew when I left Israel that I needed to think about my life from a distance. I was in India two years ago also. At that time, it came for a month only. I had run away from Israel just to experience India and travel alone (which was a big thing for me). This time, I was more conscious about why I was travelling. I wanted to escape from all the fears and tensions I was experiencing in Israel. There were many seemingly insurmountable problems – a bomb exploding outside my window, many of my friends and ex-boyfriends getting married, the pressure to marry, not knowing what I wanted to do professionally, feeling a distance from the “religious” life etc. were some of the issues I wanted to resolve….
People often say to me that I am so lucky! They ask me why you are so miserable. They see that I’m so fortunate to have a loving and supportive family; I am healthy and intelligent; I have enough money and talent. I’ve experienced that something inside me makes me sad, regardless of the externals. I can take a situation and make it torture myself.
For the first three months of travelling, I was not able to really detach myself and think about these things. Sometimes I was having nightmares. Even while awake, there were dreams going round and round in my head. Now and then, I was having sleepless nights. I was not finding any way out. I was just trying and trying, but nothing was working.
And then I found the Z Meditation Retreat. I feel that only now, for the first time in my life, I have given myself proper attention….. I have got the best possible tools now. Earlier, I was so lost in my mind that I was not even aware that something drastic needed to be done about it. All the time, I was focusing on changing the external circumstances. In this very beautiful spiritual / psychological retreat, I have learnt that it is not the external, it is rather the internal that matters the most. I have understood that my happiness is my responsibility and it is not dependent upon anybody else. I’ve been taught about my mind and how to help it achieve peace and happiness.
The silence at the meditation retreat was a true gift for me. I could think much more clearly. It made me realize how much I hanker for approval and how much pain I get due to that.
The warmth and intelligence which exuded from my meditation teachers made me feel secure.
Mornings, especially, were beautiful. I felt so alive and aware during the day also. Today, during the rest period, I was lying in bed and realizations about my life kept coming to me. I would get up, write them down and try to go to sleep. But then, another realization would come up. It was so wonderful.
One of the things I realized was the answer to a question that’s been driving me crazy – should I go back at the end of October as I’d previously planned or stay longer? I realized that the freedom and opportunities to develop my mind that I find here, I cannot find them in Israel. So I have decided to stay longer, and put the question firmly out of my mind for at least one more month.
From the Z Meditation Retreat, I’ve got an opening, a new direction, at a time when I seemed to have reached a dead-end. I hope I can go through that opening, and reach the Sunlight. ”
Thank you.