“I have for the past few years gone in and out of states of deep unhappiness. I have gone round and round internally trying to find some way of escaping this cycle. In fact, I believed I had never known what it was to be truly happy. I felt that this should have been my natural state and the right to happiness was taken away from me through lack of love, anger and rejection throughout my childhood. I chose to carry these feelings into my adult life, convinced I was deprived of something precious, never shown the valuable lessons of love and understanding. I forced to raise myself in this unhappy state, and had done a very bad job of it. I let these past experiences not only stay with me but began to add resentment, self pity and frustration onto an already long list of negative emotions. Because of this, I had made myself lonely and isolated. Expecting from others, from friends and boyfriends to suddenly make everything fine, had become like bad crutches for me. If only I had the perfect love, I could be whole. What a mess, eh?
But I still believed in some corner of my heart that my true nature was to be happy. I had always felt the potential inside somewhere. So my external was always smiling. I read the right books, used the right words, made the right friends and smiled over my tears. ”
Peace and love.
Thank you so much!